My Red Hunting Hat

Anyway, I have to be the most terrific liar that ever did live. But I have to admit, it's not a good thing. I mean I colud be going anywhere, just like to the corner shop or something. But if you were to ask me where I was going, I'm more than likely to say something stupid like the opera. Its awful, it really is.

But anyway, when I was at Pencey, I lived in the Ossenburger Memorial Wing; in the new dorms. These dorms for only for Seniors and Juniors. I was a junior, my roomate Stradlater was a Senior. The wing was named after some guy, that used to go to Pencey. Once he left, he made loads of money undertaking business, then gave a load of his dough to Pencey. In return Pencey named our wing after him.

You should see Old Ossenburger, at the beginning of every year at the first football match he shows up in his huge Cadillac and we all stand and give him a locomtive, thats a cheer. Afterwards he gives a big speech in the Chapel. Very big deal. Every year he starts off the same, telling us all about 50 corny jokes just to prove what a regular guy he is. Phoney. And how he was never ashamed and how we should all look up to God for guidance and talk to Jesus as though he is our friend. He even said that he talked to Jesus all the time, even when he was driving his car. That killed me.

The only good part of his last speech was right in the middle of it, when Ossenburger was in the middle of telling all what a swell guy he was and all, when this guy sat on the front row let off a huge fart. Edgar Marsalla was his name. It was a very crude thing to do, especially in a Chapel and all but nevertheless really amusing. He damn near blew the roof off, he really did. But hardly anybody dared to laugh out loud and Old Ossenburger pretended he didnt even hear it. You could tell he did really though. The best bit was Thurmer, our head teacher was sat next to him and everybody knew he heard it. Though he never said anytihng til the next day, when we were all gathered for compulsary study hall in the academic building. And he came and made a lousy speech, telling us how the boy that made the disturbance wasn't fit to go to Pencey and all that crap.

Anyway, where was I... Oh yeah, it was pretty nice to get back to my room after seeing Old Spencer, seeing as everybody was still at the big game so I had some peace and the room to myself. It was pretty damn cosy, I took off my tie and put on the red hat I bought in New York that morning. It was like a hunting hat, with one of those really long peaks. Only I put it on back to front, very corny I admit but I liked it that way. It only only cost me a buck. I started to make myself comfy, sitting down in one of the old arm chairs that were provided by the school, the arms were pretty wrecked, but well they were pretty comfortable chairs.

I started reading this book form the library, 'Out Of Africa' by Isak Dinesen, I though it was going to be crap, but it wasn't. It was a really good book. I'm quite illiterate but I like to read alot. My favourite author is my brother D.B, then Ring Lardner. Anyway, there I was just sat there, minding my own business reading my book, when Ackley barged in on me. Robert Ackley, was a Senior at Pencey and lived in the room next to mine, he barged in on me about 85 times a day.

He was really tall, with bulky rounded shoulders and really lousy teeth. In the whole time I had been roomed next to him I never once saw him brush his teeth. They always seemed mossy and awful, and he damn near made you sick if you saw him eating. I could sense him, checking the room to check that Stradlater wasn't around. He hated Stradlater's goddam guts. But he hated everybody's guts damn near. Anyway, he started looking at all my stuff, picking it up looking at it then putting it back down in the wrong place. He did it on purpose you could tell.

He started questioning me about my hunting hat. Shooting the bull, about how I got ripped off. The goddam thing only cost a Buck for christsake. Then he started going on about how much, he hated Stradlater's guts. When really he's a goddamn decent guy. Always giving you things, not like Old Ackley who never shares anything. Another thing about Ackley is, he hates it when you call him 'Ackley Kid', he says he's goddam old enough to be my father. See, he shoots the bull alot.

Not longafter that, Stradlater returned from the big game, asking can he borrow my hounds tooth jacket. And even though he didn't like Ackley so much, he said 'Hello' Ackley just grunted. Thats just goddamn ignorant but he wouldnt dare not say anything, to Stradlater. See he's a pretty well built guy. I have to admit.